It's been a while, we are doing okay, but can I have my old life back now?

I have read a lot about the stages of Grief, but truly experiencing them is another story. This is such an emotional rollercoaster that I am on, it is really crazy. Everyone comments on how strong I am and how well I held up during Tony's services and giving my speech, but the truth is I think I was numb. I feel like things are hitting me harder now than they did 8 months ago. Elizabeth and I are doing fine and for the most part I go about my days pretty well. This "new life" of mine is okay, but sometimes I just feel like I want my old life back. I try to do the things we used to do, like camping at an old spot we used to venture to with friends, watching shows we enjoyed together, listening to our playlists on our ipod, but it just leads to pain and heartache. I am coming to the realization that there really is no turning back. My life is on a new journey and I have to accept the change and move forward...